You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
