Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Randomize
