Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
