i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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