he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
