you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
