can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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