I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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