Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
