just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
