I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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