I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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