somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
