You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
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