I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
