btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
