so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize