so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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