i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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