dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
