I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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