Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
