we have pet lesbian snakes
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
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