Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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