I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
