What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
