I'm jealous of your bromance
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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