i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
