I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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