I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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