um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
