I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
