All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Randomize
