you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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