the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
