Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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