I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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