my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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