A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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