I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
