i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
