Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
