I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
