Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
