I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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