just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
