I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
