You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
