I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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