nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
