So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize