i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
