Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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