a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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