Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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