This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Dear god my vagina.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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