He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
