her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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