I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
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