If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
