You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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