I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
