so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
