We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
