Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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