I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
