wrigley field is MILF paradise
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
