It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
