The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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