i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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