You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
