just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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