I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
