I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
