its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
