we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
