I wanna passion pit in your ass
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
