I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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