Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
